At 5:30 this morning I was awoken by a knock on our bedroom door. My husband opened it to find my two year old standing there with two opened yogurts in his hand. He apparently had escaped his new big boy room. He had climbed over the baby gate and gone down the stairs in the dark, made his way to the kitchen, climbed into the fridge and retrieved his beloved yogurt. He had taken the tops off and helped himself to the silverware drawer to grab a spoon all while my husband and I were blissfully sleeping.
At what point did my child get so dangerously independent?
Two days ago, out of the blue, he told my husband he wanted to poo-poo on the potty. We have haphazardly been putting him on the toilet to pee every now and then with success, but we have never poo-pooed (or shoo-shooed as I like to call it). Low and behold he shoo-shooed! In fact, he did it twice that day. And here I was thinking I wasn't going to potty train until spring when I got this newborn thing under control.
I remember the days when I was pushing Ethan to do things faster, maybe before he was ready and now...he's the one pushing me. I feel like my baby is speedily turning into a self sufficient kid and that scares the living shit out of me.
I know that sounds crazy. I clearly remember the newborn days when I was all "I can't wait until you can just get your own food and wipe your own butt!" and now that my kid is on the verge of doing those things himself I realize how scary your own child's independence can be.
Ethan is determined to learn to do everything by himself. In fact, he's capable of quite a bit I would have never dreamed he'd be ready to do. It's exciting but sad at the same time.
I'm beginning to see the edges of the future. The future that does not require mommy's help for every little thing.
His feelings and understanding of situations around him are starting to kick in. Conversation has gotten more complex. Questions have begun. I thought I had more time to prepare for all this. I'm realizing now how much more responsibility is involved when trying to protect your child from certain feelings and being exposed to too much. They are sponges that soak everything in, but can't always make sense of what's going on.
Where did my baby go?
When did he start acting like a kid?
Parenting is tough. It makes you do things before you are ready. It reminds you of how quickly time goes. It makes you feel like you have no time for yourself only to quickly remind you that there will soon be a day when you are barely needed at all.
What an emotional roller coaster!
All images are property of Laura Sager unless otherwise noted.