Thursday, September 29, 2011

Never Enough

These past two weeks have been rough on me. Lots of things that needed to be done popped up and all the things I had planned to do got put on the back burner. With E's first b-day approaching and then the holidays soon following I'm starting to feel the stress mounting and it's starting to show.

There are lots of times in my life that I feel super organized and like I have it all together. This moment in my life though is not one of them. I feel like a mess. My mind is in a million places and organized Laura is nowhere to be found. I can't even concentrate long enough to make a list. In fact, honestly? I just want to avoid everything.

I have entered shut down mode which is a scary place to be the week before your son's b-day.

Lately I've just been feeling that no matter what I's not enough. There's always something left undone. Something half way finished. Something that makes me feel like a failure. 

The funny thing is that the only person making me feel this way is myself.

When the house is dirty and dinner doesn't get made, I feel like I let my family down. When I say "no", I feel selfish. When I put my son in playpen so I can get something done, I feel guilty.

I just don't feel like there is enough of me to spread around. Someone is always getting short changed and a lot of times that person is me. Sometimes I wonder how other people do it all?


  1. I think I wrote a post sort of similar like this a few months ago--I have felt this way SO MANY TIMES. I just have to remember to do my best and cut myself some slack sometimes. You are a great momma & wife :)

  2. I could have written this post several times in the past 2 years since becoming a mom. I probably could have written it before I even thought of becoming a mom. I think it's very normal for women to be hard on themselves. I'm not sure why we do it, other than as women, we are nurturers, and we want to solve problems and help and make sure everyone is happy. And you are right, that we do this to ourselves. My husband has never complained in 10+ years if I don't cook (well, maybe he did, but that may have been WHEN I cooked, haha!), if I didn't get the cleaning done, laundry, etc. I on the other hand, beat myself up like the world will end because I didn't get everything done. And then I get mad at myself for overreacting. And then things run smoothly for a while...until the cycle decides to repeat when something gets thrown in the mix that changes my schedule. I can totally relate to how you are feeling, and I know it's awful. I should practice what I preach, but take a deep breath, and regroup. I've gotten a little better about not being so hard on myself, but it's not something we're going to "cure" ourselves of that easily. Hang in there!

  3. I get to feeling like this so often. But the truth is .. No one does it all. If they appear to, or give the impression that they do .. they are lying. We ALL have to learn to let things go, prioritize, cut ourselves some slack and all that jazz. You're a great wife and a great mama .. hopefully this is just a phase and you'll feel like you're on top of your game soon. In the meantime, just let it go.

  4. Laura, you are not alone!! I have been feeling the exact same way lately. Work has been overwhelming, moving into a new house and then all of our daycare issues. All too often I feel like I failed, but really I'm not failing anyone but myself. I think we're all just being too hard on ourselves. Keep your chin up momma and just get excited about Ethan's birthday!

  5. Maybe you can take some comfort in knowing that lotsa moms go through the same emotions that you are right now? It sounds like our little one's are pretty close in birthdays, as Emily is turning 1 on the 7th, and I'm feeling the pressure too. I have a tendency to go into shut down mode too, and sometimes it makes me feel better to remember that my job as a mom is not to be perfect. Sometimes it's enough to just make it through. There are days where Emily refuses to let me put pants on her, and it used to make me feel like a failure that my child wasn't dressed properly, then I realized that pants aren't really a necessity if we're not going anywhere. So, sometimes she toddles around the house sans pants, and that's okay. Don't be so hard on yourself, Ethan seems happy and healthy in all your posts, and that is Success!

  6. I feel this way a lot too. I felt a lot more together before I was a mom. I know I spend too much time on my computer, but that's my own fault. I don't know how other people do it all either. I'm not sure anyone can do it all.

  7. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way...sometimes I wish I could hit the pause button on life - it just moves to fast. I'm super stressed about Addie's 1st birthday party this Sunday...I know she won't remember it but I want it to be perfect...i'm blaming that on my type-a personality!!!

    I hope your weeks get better and you find some time to try and unwind!!!

  8. I know I'm a day late, but I just wanted to add my thoughts.

    I just wanted to say that other people don't do it all. I have two kids and life is crazy. Sometimes I just order a pizza and decide to let the bathroom go another day or two.

    You just do the best you can. And it's totally okay to let stuff go.

  9. Being a mom is definitly tough. I always feel torn one way or the other and feel like I'm never giving anything 100%. Finding a balance is hard....and I'm not sure anyone ever completely figures it out. After awhile you just learn to give and take.


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