Sunday, March 29, 2009

Resisting Change

I have come to learn that I am a creature of habit. There is nothing more frustrating to me than change. Whether it is good or bad, I always fight against it. I like stability, I like plans, I like order, and most of all I like control.

This past week has been hard for me. I have been in the process of adapting to my own new work schedule and this week Michael went back on days. Let me just say that I am extremely happy that he is back on a somewhat normal schedule, but it is a change that I have to get used to again.

On one hand, I secretly enjoyed my alone time. I have never really lived alone and it was nice to be able to do what I wanted when I wanted. If I didn't feel like eating, I didn't. If I didn't want to clean up one night, I didn't. I didn't have to ask anyone to do anything. I could even sleep in the middle of the bed (for most of the night anyways)! There were no compromises that needed to be made and it was definitely a feeling of freedom that I had never had before.

On the other hand, I felt more alone than I ever had before. There was no one to share experiences with or to do special things for. I realized that I missed just having someone sit with me while I watched T.V. or read and that I really hated cooking when there was no one there to eat it with.

I am glad to have him back in my daily routine, but it is something I will need to adapt to again. I think it has been a much needed experience. I feel like we have both had a taste of alone time and found that it is something we need to a certain degree in our lives and our relationship. We used to do pretty much EVERYTHING together and I think this time period has shown us that we both need our own space more than we knew. I think it helps us to appreciate our relationship even more.

Change is harder for me than it is for my husband. With his job and mine we have gone through several different schedule changes and every time it is something that I resist and am bah hum bug about. Thankfully he is understanding and puts up with my frustrated self. I just have a set idea in my head of how our lives are suppose to be and we just aren't there yet, but we are working on it. It is all in the near future, so close that I can taste it and I'm just going to have to be patient.


  1. Change is super hard (unless I win the lottery, then I'm ALL ABOUT IT). I love living alone. It's fantastic--I wouldn't have it any other way.

    Hmmm...maybe that's why I didn't marry the Ex...

  2. I can relate to your first and last paragraph too well!

  3. I have the same hard time with changes, especially things like workplace.

  4. It takes a lot of work to find the alone time balance. Once you get in a good routine something happens to change that up. You'll get it again. You will.

  5. There really does need to be the PERFECT balance of alone and together time. It is so hard to find and every time you think you got it, nope. Either you slip out of habit again or it just isn't right.

    I think you will find your "perfect" time soon. Good that you are being patient :)

  6. Im not a big fan of change unless it's positive.. : )

  7. I'm sorry that things are a little hard. I'm not a big fan of change either.

  8. I'm working on that balance too... I always feel like I'm saying "No" to friends, or I feel guilty if I take time on the computer while we're at home, because we only have so many hours together... but I need time to do the things I like, too! It's so hard, but we're slowly working out the perfect balance.

  9. Wow, you guys. It's cool to see it from another perspective. Pokey and I aren't married, and we have actually SET OUT TO figure out ways that we can hang in the same house (his or mine) and just do normal everyday stuff. We're good at planning dates and outings, but "parallel play" (i.e., I'm on the computer, he's grading papers, etc.) is foreign. Maybe I should tell him we don't need to rush that because we'll have plenty of time when we get married to do that (and then NOT want to!).


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