Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Warnings for Potty Training Boy Moms

***If potty talk grosses you out...RUN! This is not the post for you. Come back another day, things are about to get graphic.***

I use to be a modest person. I didn't like to change clothes in front of others, much less would I talk about bodily functions. Motherhood changes you though. It rips the modesty right out of you in one swift tug. Bodily functions become your main focus when you have a baby. Potty training just brings them into a daily reality.

Nakedness is next to Godliness...or was that cleanliness?
Just go ahead and pack away the camera for awhile. Potty training apparently means living sans pants for a good portion of time. In fact, I hardly even notice nakedness these days. One morning I let Ethan follow me out the front door to take the dog to do her business (seriously...I'd hate to add up just how much of my day is focused on everyone's in take and out put) and our neighbors pulled in their drive. I gave them a big wave thanking my lucky stars that I'd actually changed out of my pajamas. Apparently I'd forgotten to note that my 2 year old was completely pants-less in the front yard. Beautiful.

Forget about having guests over.
If the nakedness isn't enough to scare them off, your bathrooms certainly will. Once your little boy learns he's got a little water gun on him at all times, he will want to use it and do so inappropriately. The walls, the floor, the potty seat, the trash can, his feet, your feet, the sink....nothing is safe. Thank God for Windex touch-ups...I now have those babies in every bathroom. (And, no. This is not a sponsored post.)

The world is their toilet. 
I don't know if this is just a boy thing, but apparently it's cool to check out every.single.bathroom on the face of this planet. Every gas station stop becomes a pee stop. In fact, once he learns a building has a bathroom, it becomes a ritual. Oh, sure, make them pee before you leave the house and try to "make them wait" while you are at the store. You know what will happen? They will scream "But mama, I have to POOOOOOOP!" so loud that people will stare and you would be ashamed not to take them to the bathroom at the speed of light even if you know it is all just one cruel, cruel joke. Oh, and outside totally awesome because they can make their own mud. Fascinating. I swear I'm not raising a wild beast.

(Poop) size matters.
You will be made to inspect every poo. He will want to save the big ones because "Daddy will be real proud.". He might even cry if you flush them during nap time. 

Germs aren't nearly as fierce as you think.
I've literally almost had heart attacks watching Ethan touch toilets that he shouldn't. No matter how good of a nest I have made him, he will always find a way to put his hands somewhere he shouldn't. They almost immediately then go to to his face every single time. I don't know how you girl moms do it. We mostly use the aim and shoot method these days thank goodness. 

How many lids can there be?
The top lid, the potty seat, the seat lid. Sometimes all of these things are touched or peed on or slammed and for the love....why are there so many??? Just a little tip-ity, tip if I may...little boys are at a bad height for lid slamming. Just saying. It's a vital lesson to impart. 

Potty training is not easier than diapering.
Sure, it's a must learn life skill and better earlier than later, but potty training is a lot of work. It's a lot of cheering, cleaning, hauling, teaching and sprinting. Let's just be thankful that it's cheaper. I'll wait and celebrate the day modesty comes back into play.


  1. SO TRUE! You hit the nail on the dot! LOL!

  2. I don't have boys but this made me laugh :) The part about flushing the potty at naptime, HA.

    Em has the tendency to poop analyze too. I think it's nasty but pretend to be all "OH COOL" when really? Vomit. "Mom, it looks like chicken nuggets!" is my favorite. *gag*


    Being a mom changes you, yo :)

  3. this post!!!! I'm a girl mom but can totally relate to the germ issues and the wanting to check out the bathroom in every building we go to!!!


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