Wednesday, February 27, 2013

My "Just a mom" Moment

Last night, my husband scored major brownie points. He arrived home early with dinner in hand along with roses, a movie and Sour Patch Kids (my personal favorite candy which, thank God, is dairy free!). You see, for the past week and a half I had been in a funk. All the sickness and captivity had finally caught up with me. I had been wandering around a cluttered house up to my eyeballs in laundry and snot and I was over it. Waaaay over it. Like didn't look forward to waking up in the morning kind of over it.

This was our first bout with our entire household being sick all at one time and let me go ahead and say....it is no easy battle. We were seriously in survival mode. Nothing but trying to get well was getting done around here which was fine at the time, but then of course, comes the time when you do have to get things back to "normal".  

I'm no expert at this being a mom business, but I have been one long enough to figure out that there are dark days. Days when you feel like you suck at your "job", days when you feel like you are amazing at your "job", days when you feel like you can do anything and everything and days when you feel like you are nothing but just a mom. 

I have been in one of those "just a mom" moments.

I felt like all I was doing was taking care of everyone else. I was a butt wiper, snot suctioner, medicine giver, cleaner upper, food maker and that was it. I was the definition of "just a mom". There was no "me time" and to be quite honest, at times,  I had to fight the urge just to scream "WHAT ABOUT MEEEE?????" in my best inner two year old fashion.

You see, I had been trying so hard to fight that "martyr attitude" this whole time. I was not going to let this sickness get in the way of how good everything had previously been going. I wanted so very badly to hang on to the "this whole two thing is really not so bad" feeling. 

Yesterday morning proved to be the final blow. Both my husband and I were feverishly trying to get ready for the day, Michael pulled a drawer out just as I was about to put something up in the drawer below and I just couldn't fight my frustration anymore. I let out a growl. Of course this crazy outburst set him off and he muttered "I need to get ready FIRST." 

Game over.

I fought to keep words from falling out of my mouth as I shut the bathroom door behind me. Hot angry tears ran down my face as I silently whispered "I am always last". 

And that was it. That was the moment I had finally become......the victim. In that moment, sickness had won. I'd been reduced to nothing but just a mom and I felt defeated. I let it win. 

Thirty seconds later I decided I better get myself together. I could not let this happen. I did not want to play the victim role. It's sad, it's depressing and no one likes it. I gathered myself together and came out to my husband. Instead of fighting, we prayed and I managed to get through the day without a crazy break down. 

When he walked in at 4:30 that afternoon with dinner and treats in hand I could not have been happier. I got a long hot shower and a movie night while he cleaned the horrendously dirty kitchen. (Like the we didn't have a clean plate left kind of dirty and if you know me, you know I have a lot of plates.) Normally, I would have helped him, but instead, I let him pamper me. It was just what I needed. 

This morning I felt excited to start the day. I felt like a new woman. I feel like I can finally squeeze some "me" time back in the day. I cannot thank my husband enough for knowing exactly what I needed in that moment. Laura is back in action!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Jackson's 2 Months Old!

Jackson,

You have been put through the ringer this month. We've all been under the weather and unfortunately you ended up with RSV, an ear infection and just two days ago you were also diagnosed with Thrush. It hasn't been fun, but you have seriously handled it all like a champ. You have barely complained even though you have every right to. It's broken my heart to see you sick so early on in life, but I've been so proud of how tough you are. 



We also figured out you are dairy intolerant this month. In fact, you seem to have a sensitive tummy all together. Anything remotely spicy will make your face break out into a terrible rash and black beans make you scream bloody murder. Once we got all that figured out you have been a much happier baby and all the spitting up has subsided. I'm hoping all of this improves over time and you won't end up with food allergies, but only time will tell. 



Despite all the sickness you have still been growing. You gained a pound this month (10lbs 4oz) and are currently wearing 0-3 month as well as 3 month clothes. You are also wearing size 1 disposable diapers and small cloth diapers. You are still measuring 21in although I really don't think anyone can get a good measurement because you love to stay all curled up. Your eyes are still a beautiful steel blue and sometimes I swear they are grey. I've yet to be able to capture their true color on camera, but they remind me exactly of your great-grandmother's. I hope they stay this color, but I think I am beginning to see a little green sneak in. I guess we will just have to wait and see! 


You are still my little cuddle baby. You love nothing more than being held and I'm soaking it up as much as I can. I've put you in the K'tan numerous times now and you usually just fall right to sleep when we are out and about. You are still sleeping really well although you are still mostly in our bed. I'm slowly sneaking you over to the rock-n-play, but you sure do love your mommy cuddles and sleeping on your side. You've become so much more alert during the day that you sometimes fight your naps. The swing is quickly becoming our new best friend and we've determined that you sleep best with a lot of background noise. I can understand though...our home is normally loud these days and it's a little shocking when it's quiet. 


You've had a few firsts this month. You've seen your first snowfall (and hated it), perfected the frowny face and began to smile when you hear mommy and daddy talking to you. You are also coo-ing back at us and making all those sweet little baby sounds that melt my heart. 



Ethan has still been very curious about you. There is a tinge of jealousy coming out, but he is also very quick to show you off to people by proudly exclaiming "This is baby Jack!". I hear reports that he talks about you at school very often. I even spotted him sweetly holding your hand and telling you "Don't cry baby Jack." on multiple occasions when we were in the car...that is...until we had to separate you two after he figured out your carrier made a great foot rest. Ahem.  


It's been a very eventful month for you Jackson and unfortunately it's included a lot of sickness. Hopefully next month will include more fun times for you!

I love you to the moon and back,
Mom


Friday, February 15, 2013

Insta-Friday

So far, February has not been so kind to us. Thankfully it's a short month and I've got high hopes for March and spring weather. Today I thought I'd unload some of my Instagram feed from this past week.


Ethan as always has been keeping us on our toes. Although his shenanigans can be messy and sometimes annoying, I can't imagine life without them. I'm certain they will keep us laughing for years to come.


Did I mention we were potty training. Hence, the naked bum. I don't normally let my kids run around completely naked, but potty training is an exception. I hardly even notice the nakedness anymore really. 

Jackson started coming down with Ethan's cold at the beginning of last weekend. He honestly never really looked sick with the exception of Sunday when we thought we might have to make an ER visit. Thankfully his temp went down fairly quickly and it hasn't been up since.


Ethan took advantage of his parents being in the fog of sickness to run off with scissors. He proudly came into the room announcing "Ethan cut hair!"


One of the many highlights of being a mom is having an excuse to be crafty. I think E's valentines turned out super cute. I wish I would have had time to send some out the family.


This dairy free thing makes breakfast really difficult. I've been whipping up my own granola bars and Lara bars for the past couple of weeks and I have to say I'm impressed with how quick and easy it actually is.


On Monday we took Jack to the doctor where he was officially diagnosed with RSV.



He and "Sami the Seal" aka the nebulizer are now the best of friends.



Yesterday Jackson turned 2 month old. How in the world???


Ethan came home all hopped up on sugar after his Valentine's party at school. Against better judgement I decided outside playtime was needed. Let's hope his ear infections stay gone!


I think he had a great Valentine's Day. He's definitely getting a better grasp on holidays now. I'm sure next year will bring much more excitement since he will know what to expect.


That's pretty much our week in a nutshell, or the highlights of it anyways. If you would like to keep up with our daily shenanigans follow me on Instagram: mythoughtsuninterrupted







life rearranged

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

So What Wednesday

This week I'm floating around in a fog of sleeplessness and snot. Today I thought it would be fun to join up with Shannon from Life After I Dew for a little "So What! Wednesday".


So what if...

  • We are going on 12 days strong of constant sickness in this house and it's not looking like it will be over anytime soon.

  • Ethan came into our room one morning declaring "Broke down gate. Need cold milk. Make eggs!" He had also fished sprinkles out of the pantry and eaten the WHOLE bottle behind the living room chair. How did I know? Oh, well...he left evidence. RED little handprint evidence to be exact.

  • Ethan dumped half a bottle of laundry detergent into the washing machine. If you are wondering if it overflowed with bubbles like in the movies...it doesn't.

  • My child is in the small percentage of children that Benadryl actually makes hyper active instead of sleepy. In fact, on Sunday, I was sure we needed an exorcism. No worries, we have now switched to Zyrtec. Evil has left his body!

  • I've eaten two rolls of slice and bake cookie dough this week. Surprisingly, they are dairy free. I don't know whether to be happy or scared about this little fact. 

  • I gave up on the 30 Day Shred after day 2. Cardio is not for me. I've since been doing my own little thing and switching days on abs, legs and arms. I think it's really balancing out all that cookie dough I've been consuming. 

So What Wednesday

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Next 40 Days

Tomorrow is the first day of Lent. Growing up in a Methodist Church, Lent it something I'm very familiar with. If you are not, here is a beautiful post that will tell you more about it (even if you are familiar with it, I recommend reading it...it's wonderful). 

Each year, I always pick something to give up. Most years it's something like caffeine, chocolate or cursing. This year, I can't really have caffeine or chocolate anyway since I'm nursing and currently on a dairy free diet. And cursing....well...I need to have at least one vice right? No, really, it is something I'm still working on. 

I have always been strong willed and self-efficient. There have been times in my life where I was determined to not need anybody. I didn't even think I needed God. As I get older, I realize how much God truly has His hands in my life. I realize how much I do need Him. My faith is constantly a work in progress and in the past few years I feel like it has really grown by leaps and bounds.

When I started to think about what I would "give up" this year, I realized that I hadn't been doing Lent justice in the past. Lent isn't just about giving up one of your vices. It's not even about succeeding. It's about relying on God. It's about forgiveness, prayer and remembrance. 

So, I dug deeper than chocolate, caffeine and even cursing.

I asked God what He wanted me to be working on and loud and clear I heard His answer. I needed to work on patience.

It has always been a struggle of mine and now with two kids I need it more than ever. It is truly something I need God's help with. It is something that brings me to tears and my knees in prayer. 

This year for Lent, I'm making it more about God and less about deprivation. For the next 40 days, I hope to pray about it often. I want to ask for forgiveness when I fail and am my normal impatient self. I want to find Biblical passages about patience for inspiration. I want to truly reflect. 

For the next 40 days, I aim to make God more present in my life.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Surviving...sorta

We are on Day 10 of the sickies around here and things are still not looking up. Everyone has a cold...including baby Jack. A congested 2 month old is the saddest thing I have ever seen. It's fun times around here folks. 

**Update: We took Jackson to the doctor today and he has officially been diagnosed with RSV. We've also discovered that Ethan's allergy medicine is the culprit of his recent hyperactivity. Joys.**

It wasn't too long ago that I was feeling like I really had this being a mother of two thing in the bag. Ok, maybe not in the bag, but I at least had a good handle on it. Now? Now motherhood is kicking my tail. We are in survival mode and I'm sick of it. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to get back to doing little projects around the house and having some "me" time or maybe just some adult time in general.

Thankfully, this time around I know that this phase will pass. Things will change. I just keep repeating that over and over again in my head to remind myself. 

Motherhood is exhausting. It's not for the weak. Maybe this is just the sickies talking, but I'm surprised at how many people make it through it. There are certainly many times where I just want to through my hands up in the air and admit that I know nothing about what the heck I'm suppose to do in certain situations. 

Sorry kids, you are officially guinea pigs. 

Maybe I will have it figured out by the time they have grandchildren. Then they will hate me because I will be that know it all that no one really wants to listen too. But then again, by the time I'm a grandparent, all the mothering rules will have changed and again I will have no idea what I'm talking about. I guess motherhood is suppose to keep us all on our toes.

Congratulations motherhood...you are doing an outstanding job. Really. A+ all the way.

I know this is a phase and this too shall pass (repetition really makes you believe it, no really.). The upside is motherhood continuously provides me with stories and pictures to keep me laughing and share with you all. And for that? Motherhood...I thank you. 

We will get back to that laughter another day...for now. I'm just surviving.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Jackson Reed's Newborn Session

Just a few short days after Jackson's birth we had the very talented Kristen Overbay from Overbay Photography come over to take a few pictures. I am so in love with how they turned out. There is just nothing like a good fresh newborn picture in my opinion. I could write a billion words about how I feel about this little guy, but I think I'll save that for another day and just let you soak up all the newborn goodness. 



















Now to begin the process of picking out which ones will make the wall gallery. Not sure how I'm ever going to decide!


P.S. If you missed the Nursery Reveal you can check that out here

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