Last night, my husband scored major brownie points. He arrived home early with dinner in hand along with roses, a movie and Sour Patch Kids (my personal favorite candy which, thank God, is dairy free!). You see, for the past week and a half I had been in a funk. All the sickness and captivity had finally caught up with me. I had been wandering around a cluttered house up to my eyeballs in laundry and snot and I was over it. Waaaay over it. Like didn't look forward to waking up in the morning kind of over it.
This was our first bout with our entire household being sick all at one time and let me go ahead and say....it is no easy battle. We were seriously in survival mode. Nothing but trying to get well was getting done around here which was fine at the time, but then of course, comes the time when you do have to get things back to "normal".
I'm no expert at this being a mom business, but I have been one long enough to figure out that there are dark days. Days when you feel like you suck at your "job", days when you feel like you are amazing at your "job", days when you feel like you can do anything and everything and days when you feel like you are nothing but just a mom.
I have been in one of those "just a mom" moments.
I felt like all I was doing was taking care of everyone else. I was a butt wiper, snot suctioner, medicine giver, cleaner upper, food maker and that was it. I was the definition of "just a mom". There was no "me time" and to be quite honest, at times, I had to fight the urge just to scream "WHAT ABOUT MEEEE?????" in my best inner two year old fashion.
You see, I had been trying so hard to fight that "martyr attitude" this whole time. I was not going to let this sickness get in the way of how good everything had previously been going. I wanted so very badly to hang on to the "this whole two thing is really not so bad" feeling.
Yesterday morning proved to be the final blow. Both my husband and I were feverishly trying to get ready for the day, Michael pulled a drawer out just as I was about to put something up in the drawer below and I just couldn't fight my frustration anymore. I let out a growl. Of course this crazy outburst set him off and he muttered "I need to get ready FIRST."
I fought to keep words from falling out of my mouth as I shut the bathroom door behind me. Hot angry tears ran down my face as I silently whispered "I am always last".
And that was it. That was the moment I had finally become......the victim. In that moment, sickness had won. I'd been reduced to nothing but just a mom and I felt defeated. I let it win.
Thirty seconds later I decided I better get myself together. I could not let this happen. I did not want to play the victim role. It's sad, it's depressing and no one likes it. I gathered myself together and came out to my husband. Instead of fighting, we prayed and I managed to get through the day without a crazy break down.
When he walked in at 4:30 that afternoon with dinner and treats in hand I could not have been happier. I got a long hot shower and a movie night while he cleaned the horrendously dirty kitchen. (Like the we didn't have a clean plate left kind of dirty and if you know me, you know I have a lot of plates.) Normally, I would have helped him, but instead, I let him pamper me. It was just what I needed.
This morning I felt excited to start the day. I felt like a new woman. I feel like I can finally squeeze some "me" time back in the day. I cannot thank my husband enough for knowing exactly what I needed in that moment. Laura is back in action!
All images are property of Laura Sager unless otherwise noted.