I Can't Do it All...at Least not All at Once

For the past few months I've been busy trying to figure out how to do everything and miss nothing. How to make everyone happy and keep myself from falling into the background. I've fought a hard fight, but I've failed miserably. If I do well in one area, there's another area that is suffering severely. Trying to keep up with everything is mentally and emotionally exhausting. I no longer think I can do it all or at least not all at once.

Wow, just typing that...admitting that I can't do it all...is strangely freeing.

I don't know what it is, but I've always felt that everyone can keep it together but me. I know in the back of my mind that this is not true, yet I continuously try to be this "perfect" person. I have finally come to the realization though that life isn't about doing it all and having it all, all at once. It's about moments.

It's about moments when you forget that the house is a complete disaster and instead focus on spending the whole day with your first born "chasing alligators". It's moments when you take nap time and those precious night time hours that could be personally yours and instead hold your baby who won't fit in your arms "just so" for as long as you would wish. It's about moments when your husband takes the kids on a drive so you can paint your nails and sit in the peace and quiet. 

There are moments too when you have to get things done, because really who can be sane when the house is constantly in shambles? Instead of snatching those precious moments when the baby is asleep in the swing and the toddler is happily occupied to mindlessly check in on whatever hoopla is going on in the internet world, it's those moments when I should choose to fold the laundry and unload the dishwasher. I so desperately want to have more moments where I can focus on my hobbies and "me" time, but I need to find a more structured time to do so. 

I haven't figured it all out yet, but I've realized it's time to give up on doing it all and having it all, all at once. Instead I'll be focusing on the moments life hands me and trying to make the most of them. I can do it all, I can have it all, just not all at once and that is fine by me.

Jackson's 3 Months Old!

Oh baby Jack, how time is flying by. So much of me just wants to will you to stay little. Stay cuddly. Stay simple. You are three months old now and while I haven't captured you in as many words or pictures as I did for your brother please know that I am incredibly busy soaking you up with my eyes, my hands, my heart and my time.

You are still sleeping next to my bed in the rock-n-play. By this time, we had certainly kicked your brother out of our room, but I just don't feel ready for that yet. I will in time. You can't stay there forever, but for now it's part of our special bonding. I lay with you as you fall asleep making the cutest little movements with your lips. When you wake up in the morning I sneak you back into bed for some early morning cuddles and I lay there just watching you sweetly sleep.

You are certainly my little cuddle bug. You love nothing else than to be held although the swing is slowly becoming more popular than your mommy's arms. Or maybe it just doesn't tire out as fast. You talk to us with sweet little coo's and give us a big, gorgeous smile when we talk to you in that sing-songy voice that babies seem to love so much. I still have yet to capture your frowny face on video. It is absolutely the most perfect frowny face there ever was complete with lip quivering and sad eyes. One of your favorite things is being smothered in kisses and swayed to sleep in your daddy's arms.

You still haven't rolled over. Well, I take that back...you did once, but it's been so long ago that I think it was a freak accident. Just like your brother you absolutely hate tummy time. In fact, you hate it with a passion, so I don't expect there to be any rolling over soon. You have no problem rolling onto your side, but rolling to your tummy....forget it!

Currently you are weighing in at 10lbs 8oz. Not a big gain this month, but what you didn't gain in pounds you certainly gained in inches. You are now measuring 23 inches long and wearing mostly 3 month clothing. I can still squeeze you in to a few 0-3 month two pieces (only because they are some of my favorites), but you would probably be more comfortable in 3-6 months. I haven't been able to bring myself to switch out your closet again just yet, but don't worry it's on the to-do list!

I love you so much little one! You fill my heart with love every single day.

I Just Want to Bottle Him Up

The past few weeks I have found myself just soaking up Ethan. We have finally made it past the uncontrollable toddler stage and arrived at some sort of reasoning phase. Of course things are still difficult and a battle of wills at times, but lately Ethan has been easier....happier really. In fact, just the other day, Ethan's teachers were telling me they have noticed how much happier he is in general; that his personality is shining through. 

There is something simply magical about a child running happily about with a smile on their face in their own little world. I sat there watching him do just that this past weekend running around the driveway with his little lawn mower just giggling to himself and it struck me that I couldn't remember the last time I've felt that way. He just seemed so carefree. I guess being carefree really is the blessing of childhood. 

Oh how I hope that he gets to stay that way as long as possible! 

At this age we have our children in a little bubble completely protected from all the meanness that the world can serve up. Part of me knows that we are on the brink of having to let him experience those things. He's starting to grow his wings. He is already in school (MDO) and I know that as these little ones develop their words and emotions that things are going to happen. Not everyone is going to get along, not everyone is going to be nice, not everyone is going to be included. 

It breaks my heart to think that he is going to have to experience these things or even at times be the cause of those things. He is going to get his feelings hurt. He is going to be disliked at times. He is going to realize that he is not always the best at whatever it is he is doing. I've cried over this really. Multiple times as silly as that sounds. As blissful as childhood is at times, I know that it's also equally as difficult. 

As much as I hate it, I know that these experiences are necessary evils. They are part of a learning experience. They help you become a stronger person, a nicer person, a better person. I just hope when the time comes that I can help him deal with these experiences in the best way possible. 

I want so badly to just bottle up this carefree stage for him, but I'm already starting to see a little bit of uncertainty peek through in my normally very independent and confident little boy. He's beginning to realize there are wrong answers, wrong actions and unfairness in life. I can't protect him forever. I just hope that I can give him the tools to come through childhood as strong and happy as he is in this very moment. 

5 Postpartum Essentials: Tips for the postpartum body

First, I will preface this with the obvious...I am no fashion blogger. I am just your everyday new mama that struggles with a frumpy postpartum body. I had no clue what to do with myself when I had Ethan and frankly I was a little depressed with what I had to try and work around. 

The most important piece of advice I can give you is to be realistic. You are going to walk out of that hospital looking at least 6 months pregnant. If you aren't then yay! Good for you, what a fabulous surprise. I hate you. Just kidding. Just don't set yourself up for disappointment from the get go. Your body will be swollen and saggy and not what you are use to. Face the facts and then you can prepare to deal with them.

Here are a few things you will need to survive the first 3 months...

1. Bio-Oil - I have loved my results from using this. My stretch marks are already gone and now I am using it on my c-section scar. The only other product I've used is Palmers, but I found Bio-Oil to be much more effective.

2. Get the right undergarments. I love a good comfy nursing bra you can sleep in....and live in. Although I should, I rarely wear a real bra at this point because these are just easier and more comfortable. I also highly recommend a good shape-wear panty after you hit the 6-week mark. I bought one from Target that I love for only $16. I believe it's Hanes brand. Goes up to my rib cage, doesn't roll down and I can wear it all day without feeling like I'm about to suffocate to death. It smooths out everything, hides some overhang (oh how I loathe the overhang) and stops the jiggling. 

3. Don't be ashamed to wear your maternity stuff. Maternity wear is meant to flatter a pregnant midsection. Guess what...you still have a pregnant looking midsection! I wore my maternity jeans until they basically started falling off. They were more comfortable than regular jeans that would have cut into me at that point. The panel basically acted like shape wear. It was fine. No one knew. It wasn't a big deal. 

Guess what...3 months into this whole postpartum gig...I still wear some maternity tops. GASP! I know...the horror! I bought some great tops from the Gap that you wouldn't even know were maternity wear. They don't have the side ruching (although I do still wear some that do), they are long enough to hide some things I still want hidden and they fit just right in the chest and arm areas. I have bought some regular tops to incorporate too, but I'm still wearing a size larger than normal and sometimes that makes me look just plain sloppy. I need the bigger size in the mid section but the rest of my torso is back to pretty much normal. Maternity tops are a perfect solution. If the idea of wearing the same shirt you have been wearing for the past 9 months depresses you...buy some new ones. 

4. Buy accessories that take the focus away from the belly. Scarves are perfect for this. They hide that pooch very easily. I also love wearing long, open front cardigans. They help give me some shape when I'm wearing that slouchy looking oversized non maternity top. They also help with that side view "is she or isn't she pregnant" situation. 

5. For the first few month, focus on the stuff you can easily change. You can keep your nails painted, whiten your teeth, buy new make-up...the weight is going to take time and work to get off, but all of these things make you feel instantly better about yourself. 

I know none of this information is particularly mind blowing but it is information I wish I had know pre-Ethan so I thought I'd share. There is nothing weirder than instantaneously having to deal with a new body shape. Good luck and if you have any tips and secrets please share!

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Thankful for Normalcy

Today is one of those days where I feel led to write, but here I am just staring at a blank screen. It's been quiet around my little corner of the blog world so far this year. At first my excuse was sickness, but now I think I'm just caught up in trying to achieve a sense of normalcy in life. 

We haven't been up to anything big, I haven't had any mothering epiphanies worth sharing and we haven't been traveling anywhere exciting. 

I've been making eggs, trying to keep my babies fed, getting cuddles when I can and trying to keep the toddler from being bored out of his mind in the winter gloom and doom.

Just your regular everyday stuff really.

I know it's nothing exciting, but it's kinda nice just to be here. In fact, today, I'm actually feeling lucky just to be here.

Do you ever have those moments in life where you are very aware of the fact that things could have gone another way? Those moments when you realize life is fragile and nothing is promised.

I've been having those lately.

I guess I'm just at that place where life is good. Life is normal. And in a way, I'm just holding my breath, hoping I keep all my balls in the air and that none of them get dropped while I'm not looking. 

I don't know the meaning behind this post. There isn't one really. I guess I'm just here to say I feel lucky. I feel blessed. Life is good.