For the past few months I've been busy trying to figure out how to do everything and miss nothing. How to make everyone happy and keep myself from falling into the background. I've fought a hard fight, but I've failed miserably. If I do well in one area, there's another area that is suffering severely. Trying to keep up with everything is mentally and emotionally exhausting. I no longer think I can do it all or at least not all at once.
Wow, just typing that...admitting that I can't do it all...is strangely freeing.
I don't know what it is, but I've always felt that everyone can keep it together but me. I know in the back of my mind that this is not true, yet I continuously try to be this "perfect" person. I have finally come to the realization though that life isn't about doing it all and having it all, all at once. It's about moments.
It's about moments when you forget that the house is a complete disaster and instead focus on spending the whole day with your first born "chasing alligators". It's moments when you take nap time and those precious night time hours that could be personally yours and instead hold your baby who won't fit in your arms "just so" for as long as you would wish. It's about moments when your husband takes the kids on a drive so you can paint your nails and sit in the peace and quiet.
There are moments too when you have to get things done, because really who can be sane when the house is constantly in shambles? Instead of snatching those precious moments when the baby is asleep in the swing and the toddler is happily occupied to mindlessly check in on whatever hoopla is going on in the internet world, it's those moments when I should choose to fold the laundry and unload the dishwasher. I so desperately want to have more moments where I can focus on my hobbies and "me" time, but I need to find a more structured time to do so.
I haven't figured it all out yet, but I've realized it's time to give up on doing it all and having it all, all at once. Instead I'll be focusing on the moments life hands me and trying to make the most of them. I can do it all, I can have it all, just not all at once and that is fine by me.
All images are property of Laura Sager unless otherwise noted.