Can I make a confession? This past weekend was a tough one. I wasn't even going to blog about it. In fact, I've stared at this blank screen for quite some time now thinking of a billion (okay 10) other things I could be writing about right now besides this, but I have to write what's on my heart and this past weekend is it.
I hit a low point this weekend. Like driving around crying on the phone with my mom and hiding under the covers staring blankly out the window type of weekend. Depressed? Yes. Now, this isn't a normal thing for me so don't sound out the alarms, but I think we all hit these moments from time to time (Maybe?). The moment, when you just can't ignore the problems anymore. The moment when ignoring has become the problem.
Being a mom is tough. (Understatement of the century!) At times it seems like every one's happiness depends on you. Of course, we moms often forget that our own happiness needs to factor in there as well, but for the most part, I at least, tend to push that to the side and label it selfishness.
Taking time for myself isn't true selfishness of course, but it feels that way because it always leaves someone picking up the slack. That someone usually ends up being my husband. You know, the guy that works hard to pay all of our bills then comes home and gladly helps with the kids and also rarely has free time to himself. This leads to that other popular mom feeling...guilt (brought solely on by myself). So instead of taking care of myself from time to time, I've pushed my wants and needs to the side and in the end have made myself miserable.
That above paragraph there...yeah...it makes sound like I'm making myself out to be some sort of self sacrificing hero. But no, I can't even give myself that credit because after I've pushed all my needs to the side, I become cranky and place blame on everyone else. Fun times guys. Fun times. Playing victim leads to lots of self destructing thoughts and then bam...ugly crying in the car.
After I got through feeling sorry about myself this weekend, I realized that the only person able to get myself out of this mess was the same person that put me into this mess and that lady was me. I have dreams, I have goals, I have things that I want to do for me. While it might not be as easy to tackle those things now as it was pre-kids, it is all still possible. It just takes a little rearranging and putting myself on the priority list which is exactly what I'm going to do. As the saying goes...
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