Sunday, November 8, 2009

Busy Reminiscing

Strangely enough the thing that I have been wanting most for awhile has arrived and I have not been as ecstatic as I should be. I've been negative about the moving even though it's what I know is best. I finally figured out my problem though. It's not the moving really. It's the going back.

The going back to my hometown is the hard part. Luckily that's not where we are moving F.Y.I - close but not exactly to it. I want to be close to family and friends...I just don't want to be exactly there.

Too many things have changed. I have good memories of school and friends. My high school years are probably my favorite of all so far in life. It's just different going back. It reminds me of things that will never be the same again and it saddens me because I miss it.

This past week I have been organizing some of me and my sisters childhood things at my dads. I found a box of my old clothes from high school and tried them on of course for a few good laughs.

As I was looking into the mirror, I started to realize just how much things had changed. It's not just that people are scattered around everywhere or that we aren't as carefree as we once were. I realized that I had changed - that over the years I have lost some bits and pieces of myself along the way.  

I was a pretty solid person in high school. College on the other hand was a different story. I was a complete mess. I think I'm on the path of getting back to the old me now, but as I looked in the mirror while dressed in my ridiculous clothing from the earlier part of this decade I realized a few things.

I've lost a lot of confidence in myself over the last 7 years. Certain events have made me realize that I'm not the invincible person I once saw myself as. I've grown tired of fighting for certain things in my life. In fact, in some ways, I've just grown tired. And, at some point I decided it was better to fade into the background rather than stand out in the crowd.

The past 7 years have been hard and I'm looking forward to a new start. This limbo period is going to be a tough one while I'm still in my hometown though. As you have noticed by now, I have problems with letting go and that seems to be my theme of 2009. This year has been filled with coming to terms with things and my sad attempts at just trying to let them go.

2010 will be a great start. A new decade. A new city. A new way of life.

I just need to get there. I will in due time and it will be great.


  1. you will for sure get there. :)

  2. yes you will! stay strong and focused. you are stronger than you think you are. and you are beautiful!


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My Thoughts - Uninterrupted by Laura Sager is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at

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