I'm a fidgety person I guess you could say. My mind is usually racing from one thing to another. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm being productive, I guess sometimes I just prefer to be busy.
I've noticed though that "busy" usually means I'm missing things. Missing moments. Even the moments I think I'm present in, I'm typically not.
I have a hard time just sitting with my kids. I find myself looking around at all the things that need to be done or use their contentment as an opportunity to sneak away and get something done. I guess that is what happens when you are with them all day…you start to take them for granted. It sounds horrible when I write it out like that, but I find confessions freeing, so there it is.
Even when I do decide to just be with them. To enjoy the moment. I typically pick up the camera to "remember the moment". The problem is…I'm not really present. I'm not really taking it in. I'm just there.
I've been trying to get myself refocused. I'm trying to still myself. I'm trying to still my mind, open my eyes to really see and feel things.
It's not easy.
I skipped cleaning the kitchen last night to just sit and play with my kids. Actually, I didn't even play with them. I just sat in the middle of the floor and watched them play together. I soaked it up. I talked myself out of grabbing my camera yesterday during Jack's bath because I knew it would shift my focus. He was so freaking cute I just wanted to record it so I could have it forever. But, I realized I needed to experience the now. I didn't want to just see it through a lens.
I've been participating in the 30 Days of Thanks on Facebook. I know some people are all "meh" about it, but it's been a wonderful opportunity to refocus things for myself. I so often forget to be thankful for the small things and a lot of times, those small things are truly the big things in life. Before the busy-ness of the holiday season kicks in I'm trying to retrain myself to be still. To really open my eyes. And in return, I'm pretty sure it's going to open my heart.
Please take a second and hit the "Like" button. You can follow my 30 Days of Thanks posts there if you can stomach all the joy.