One of the things I love is reflecting on life. It is actually something I do quite often when I can find the time for it. I look back at everything (the good and the bad) and try to make some kind of sense out of it.
I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and nothing bugs me more than not being able to figure out just exactly what the reason was for whatever event that might be on my mind. Have I overlooked it or has it just not happened yet? If it hasn't happened, when will it? I need to know to set my mind at ease and to be okay with things.
There have been things in my life, just like any ones, that have brought me tremendous joy and tremendous pain. I always try to figure out the "whys?" and if it was really worth it. When I think about it, I can pretty much sum it up in the adage "Would you have rather loved and lost or to have never loved at all?".
In order to feel great pain you must have loved. If you never loved you would never experience pain, but you would also miss out on the joy. To me obviously, the joy and the learning experience of it all is worth it.
But what if you miss out on the learning experience? Was the joy worth the feeling of loss? I always feel the need to justify the loss and the pain that comes with it by gaining some sort of knowledge or lesson. Without that, I am confused as to why any of it occurred in the first place.
For now, I will just have to live with the frustration. Maybe one day I will figure out the "why". Maybe now just isn't the appropriate time. Maybe I just wouldn't understand. I hope the understanding comes soon though so I can put my mind at ease.
All images are property of Laura Sager unless otherwise noted.