For whatever reason (let's call it hormones) I've been crazy emotional this week. Tears, joy...I've covered the range. With my husband gone this week I've had some time at night to just sit, think, reflect, worry...you know...those things we use to be able to do before we were moms when things like quiet time actually existed. I use to lie in bed and think at night, reflect on my day, the things that were coming up, things that had already happened and now most nights, I turn off the light and close my eyes too exhausted to even think about one more single thing.
I've relished the one on one time I've had with my son this week. I've soaked up all his kisses and cuddles. I've reflected on the almost two years we have had of just us and thought about what things are going to be like when there is another precious little soul around.
I've been overly anxious about what things are going to be like when Jackson arrives. I so desperately want to soak up every single moment with him in the sweet newborn days that I now know pass all too quickly. I worry about the fact that Christmas and all the hoopla that comes with it will be mere days after his birth. I'm anxious that all the people, all the Christmas festivities and the big adjustments that will take place will be too much for Ethan to handle all at once. I worry about how I will handle it. Part of me just wants to tell everyone to stay home. Part of me wants to be completely selfish with this baby. I don't want to share. I want to soak in every moment because I know I'm not promised another one.
My love for my husband has grown even stronger this week. His being away has reminded me how much we need him around here, how happy he makes me and how lucky Ethan and I are to have him in our lives. I've found myself praying for him multiple times as he gets onto each airplane. Maybe it's pregnancy or maybe it's just having children, but the thought of how fragile life is constantly dangles in the back of my mind.
I've rejoiced in new found friends and have been wowed by their thoughtfulness and big hearts this week as they have entertained me and kept me from losing my mind this week. I feel so lucky to have found some great people in this new town so soon and totally thank God that things have fallen into place for us so quickly.
I've felt joy as I've reflected on how even though I feel completely overwhelmed with life right now that most everything is falling into place just how we need it. It's been an emotional week of reflection and looking ahead, but I think I needed it. I need that time to just catch up on my feelings and really be able to deal with them and not just push them aside. Sometimes a little alone time...can really do you some good.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
All images are property of Laura Sager unless otherwise noted.