These past two weeks have been rough on me. Lots of things that needed to be done popped up and all the things I had planned to do got put on the back burner. With E's first b-day approaching and then the holidays soon following I'm starting to feel the stress mounting and it's starting to show.
There are lots of times in my life that I feel super organized and like I have it all together. This moment in my life though is not one of them. I feel like a mess. My mind is in a million places and organized Laura is nowhere to be found. I can't even concentrate long enough to make a list. In fact, honestly? I just want to avoid everything.
I have entered shut down mode which is a scary place to be the week before your son's b-day.
Lately I've just been feeling that no matter what I do....it's not enough. There's always something left undone. Something half way finished. Something that makes me feel like a failure.
The funny thing is that the only person making me feel this way is myself.
When the house is dirty and dinner doesn't get made, I feel like I let my family down. When I say "no", I feel selfish. When I put my son in playpen so I can get something done, I feel guilty.
I just don't feel like there is enough of me to spread around. Someone is always getting short changed and a lot of times that person is me. Sometimes I wonder how other people do it all?
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