My 3 year old has a new habit of climbing in bed with me in the mornings. I have a rule...no one is officially up until the sun has risen. So, most mornings I request him to lay with me (preferably quietly) and let mama finish sleeping. The moment the sun shows it's first gleaming little rays, Ethan will be sure to tell me "Mama, sunshine is up!".
Sometimes, the sun rises before I'm ready. There are days I plead for my son to cuddle just a bit longer..."Mama needs just a little more sleep.".
Ever since I can remember, I've needed to give myself a pep talk to start the day...at age 29 I am still no different.
There is so much peace in sleep.
So much quiet.
So much stillness.
My mind craves it.
No, my soul craves it.
I've always been one that needs quiet. I enjoy spending time alone, hearing my thoughts, making plans and thinking things through. Really being in tune with myself.
There are times when I feel the busyness of motherhood has robbed me of that. I feel lost. I feel drained.
The amount of energy in this house is mind blowing. The busyness of our lives is not slowing down. I keep waiting for that time where everything will just settle out. Where there won't be that next event, that next big thing, that next round of sickness, that next project. I've slowly come to grips with the fact that will not happen anytime in our near future.
And when/if it does...I half believe it will terrify me.
I've been on a quest to enjoy more, complain less...take matters into my own hands so to speak and really turn things around for myself.
These baby/toddler years, although crazy and exhausting are precious. While they demand so much of me, they don't have to have all of me.
I've been enjoying the midnight hours lately. The time after everyone is in bed. The time where I can hear myself think, can do my own things guilt free.
While sleep is not something I've gotten much of lately, I have to tell you I've never felt so refreshed.
I'm getting myself back. While it may require at least two cups of coffee a day and loss of sleep, it's well worth it.
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